Relocation Day

For the past several months I have been planning and preparing for today’s move.  For the third time in 5 years I will be relocating my mother to a facility to take care of her while she’s living with dementia.  I remember the first move like it was yesterday.  It was the most gut wrenching decision I’ve ever had to make. At that time she was more independent, she knew who I was and even though there may have been some confusion, she could communicate with ease.  She hated leaving the comfort of her home, losing her driving privileges and living in a community of people where she felt no connection.  Thinking about this as I type brings tears to my eyes.  At that time, upon my departure after every visit, she would watch me walk down the hallway.  Before I’d turn the corner I would always turn around to wave goodbye to her. My heart would break every time seeing her yards away hanging outside her doorway just to bid me adieu.  My feelings of guilt were strong; I always felt like I was abandoning her.

As the years went on and the disease progressed, it continued to be difficult for me and I became more numb.  I’ve experienced every possible feeling in the book and had to come to terms with my new reality.  To this day I still have some feelings of guilt that she is not living with family.  I envy those who can keep their loved ones home, have the means to do so and have the family members who believe it’s normal to help with the care.  But I realize that those that are caring for her and the other residents who I’ve witnessed watching over her are now part of her family.

That is why today’s relocation will be hard…again.  You build attachments to residents and staff members – some more than others, but all the same I am saying goodbye…again.  There are many residents who I’ve enjoyed spending time with, especially since there are those who do not get many visits from their own family members.  Now we are off to a new place with a new system, new surroundings and new people who I hope will become like family to my mom.  A physical relocation is one thing, but an emotional relocation is very different.  I am praying I will find comfort with both.


10 thoughts on “Relocation Day

  1. Kelly I wish you and your Mom an easy transition. I’m making this journey as well with my Grandfather and it’s just heartbreaking. Be strong! She needs you.

  2. Kelly…I can only imagine. You know what is best at this point. Tears are liquid prayers when words are not enough to make sense. Keep your heart to the sky my friend and let God guide you through. Overdue for that pedicure.:-)
    Hugs all around!

    • So poetic Tracey! And yes, I have handed everything over. Pedicures or not – hanging out and catching up is long overdue. I pray all is well with you and the family. xoxo

  3. I know you wrote this a little while ago, (I am catching up on my reading), I hope this finds that the move went as well as it emotionally could…..reading this I cried with you and am sending you (((Hugs))). I watched my mom take care of my grandmother with dementia until she no longer could. Don’t feel guilty, you love, you visit, you care, you feel, you remember……you haven’t given up. You’re in my prayers.

    • As you can attest, it is truly one of the most upsetting things to witness all of these wonderful people who are stricken with Dementia and ALZ, and it’s a horrible way to live out the rest of your days. My mom handled the transition to the new facility well but I am still learning the staff and their protocols. It’s always harder on the loved ones overseeing the care. Thanks so much for dropping a note and sharing your support and kind words. I appreciate it.

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